Alien Shampoo

“Good morning and welcome to the ‘Alien Shampoo’ Infomercial. This is a production by ‘Alien Newbs’.” {Mechanical Audience applause inserted here.} “Hello there, this is Imminy Hayes here for Alien Shampoo. Today we are going to discuss alternate uses for this magnetizing shampoo. First, do we have any teenagers in the audience? Alright, you with the rainbow Mohawk and tattoos, you’ll be perfect for this; come on up.” “Hey, Son, what’s your name?” “Josh Pentergast.” “Alright, Josh, tell me, do you get in much trouble around home?” “Nah, I’m a good kid.” Imminy turns to the audience, “Josh, were you sitting with your parents?” “Yeah, that’s my ma and dad.” “Come on up here Mom and Dad.” As Josh’s parents approach Josh lowers his head in embarrassment. “Josh tells us that he’s a good kid, is that true?” Mom looks at Josh and says, “Why yes, he’s an all A student and generally a good kid.” “Well,” Dad says, “there was that time him and his buddies stole all of those political signs and took our cars out of the garage so they had room to hide them.” Imminy looks at Josh with a sly smile, “Great, Josh, you are exactly the kind of teenager we are looking for to demonstrate our new ‘Alien Shampoo’. Mom, Dad, if you can return to your seats, or stand up here with us, it’s up to you.” Imminy returns his attention to the audience. “Ladies and gentleman, the uses for ‘Alien Shampoo’ are amazing, mesmerizing, and magnetic. Let Josh and I show you how this works. Josh, come on over here to the shampooing chair and let me wash your hair.” Josh saunters over and takes his seat, lying back in the chair so the back of his neck rests on the edge of the sink. Imminy begins to wash Josh’s hair, first rinsing it well, and the camera zooms in so the audience can see the mixture of colors rinsing out of Josh’s rainbow Mohawk. “Now, look here,” Imminy says as he holds a palm full of green shampoo out to the camera. “See the sparkles? Those are actual alien magnets. This is revolutionary folks; now watch as I shampoo Josh’s hair here.” The suds move from green to gray to a silver color as Imminy continues to lather Josh’s hair. “Look, folks, see the color change, and this is just the beginning.” Josh’s hair is rinsed out and dried with a towel. “Okay, Josh, Mom, Dad, Camera Man, let’s head out into the starry night.” As soon as the studio door is shut a shooting star is heading right for them. “Watch this, watch!” Imminy shouts at the camera, “keep your eyes on Josh.” Slowly Josh’s feet leave the ground and he begins to dangle above the earth. The “shooting star” stops moving and hovers above them, suddenly they notice it isn’t a shooting star, but a flying saucer. A door slid open and light emanated from the underside of the saucer. Josh continues rising up away from the ground and toward the saucer. “No,” Mom screams as she reaches just above her head to grab Josh’s ankle, but she moves too slow, he continues to rise toward the saucer. Dad steps closer to Mom and holds her tight, “What have we done?” Imminy steps in and says, “No need to worry, Josh will be back with us in a few minutes and all will be fine.” Just as Imminy promised, a few minutes went by and a boy was returned, it looked like Josh, sounded like Josh, but there were no piercings, tattoos, even his hair was his natural color and had a business appearance to it. Mom fainted, but Dad held out his hand to shake Josh’s hand. “Welcome back, Josh.” Imminy grabs Josh’s hand and pulls him back into the studio. “Josh, how was it, what did they do?” “Imminy, you know I am not allowed to discuss it. However, I can tell you that I have a new, very positive outlook on life.” “So, you see folks, the true magnetic properties in ‘Alien Shampoo’ will help you mold your errant child into a respectful, goal oriented human being … with a few alien properties. Right, Josh?” “Yes, sir!” “Well, folks, you’ve seen it here, for just $57.92 you can get one two-ounce bottle of Alien Shampoo to transform your teenager into the child you dreamed of when you first had a positive pregnancy test. And you saw it all here on Alien Newbs Productions!”